


out of reach

by MajesticAnna



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Development, Character Study, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Hinata Shouyou-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, a long love letter dedicated to hinata and growth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28219137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajesticAnna/pseuds/MajesticAnna
Summary: The burn in his thighs aches as Hinata bikes up the mountain, his regular pathway home. Cold air cuts through the tissue of his lungs while each inhale digs into his ribs. Coming from Karasuno at this time, it is darker than the warmer months. It’s been thirty minutes since he last saw the shining headlights of an approaching car.He is alone, on a mountain road in midwinter.+++Hinata's growth and perspective throughout the years.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 30
Kudos: 53
Collections: Kagehina Big Bang 2020





	1. first spring

**Author's Note:**

> This is my work for the Kagehina Big Bang 2020! I had the amazing opportunity to work with [Miranda](https://twitter.com/mirandarv17) for this project. Truly, her support, artwork, and friendship encouraged me to keep writing. Her art will come into play in chapter 3, which is now posted, so take a look!
> 
> Lots of love to the whole Kagehina Big Bang server, for the care and affection we share for each other. You have all made my 2020 better <3
> 
> Also, Happy Birthday, Kageyama Tobio! This first chapter is a gift for you <3

The burn in his thighs aches as Hinata bikes up the mountain, his regular pathway home. Cold air cuts through the tissue of his lungs while each inhale digs into his ribs. Coming from Karasuno at this time, it is darker than the warmer months. It’s been thirty minutes since he last saw the shining headlights of an approaching car.

He is alone, on a mountain road in midwinter.

It’s a good workout, nonetheless. His calves burn away the itching ice creeping over his skin. If he can focus on his task, he’ll be able to force the discomfort out of his head.

His stomach grumbles and Hinata rolls his eyes at his whining body. This isn’t anything new for him. He chose to go to a school across the mountain, one where he could live out his dreams of becoming the next Little Giant. Sacrifices had to be made to ensure his future.

Today… had been a harsh reminder of his personal limitations. Kageyama had smirked down at him, smug with his invitation to the Japan Youth training camp.

Hinata is not proud of the green demon that threatened to burst his heart with jealousy.

The bike gear gets caught and Hinata hurriedly corrects his pedaling to avoid falling. Sighing, he moves his body forward into a standing position, speeding into flight as he crosses the crest of a hill.

He gives all of himself to volleyball and yet, there is much out of his grasp. While Kageyama, his greatest rival, goes on ahead, Hinata hangs back, hoping one day he can feed the hunger raging through him.

When his body threatens to complain for attention again, Hinata suffocates the feeling. He’d be home quickly and then he could gorge out on his mom’s delicious cooking and pass out in his bed. Maybe he could fit in some solo practice before sleep. He didn’t know how much time he would have, though.

Hinata continues to pedal, quieting the thoughts desperate for his attention. He puts them aside, to look at later.

He’d be there soon.

+++

“What the hell did you think you were doing?!”

Coach Ukai’s words are sharper through the phone, and the gnawing guilt in Hinata’s stomach takes a nosedive.

He tries to formulate words but he can only drag a weak “sorry” through his lips.

“Hinata-kun.” Takeda’s voice is softer than Coach’s. It somehow makes it worse. “Giving it your all and being reckless are two completely different things.”

The guilt grows and festers through his body. But Hinata needs to be heard. He needs his reasons to be made clear. “Practicing here isn’t more important than practicing with the team… but…” He inhales. “This training camp is for the best players. I want to see what the best players can do outside of games. I want to learn what makes them the best.

“I want to know.”

“That’s an admirable mindset,” Takeda says. The weight on Hinata’s chest clenches. “However, that does not give you license to act as you choose. You’re inconveniencing a lot of people—”

“I don’t mind if we have another ball boy.”

Washijou raises his eyebrow at Hinata, daring him to object. Or maybe challenging him to drop out.

Hinata stares back and says nothing.

Washijou nods, turning back to the phone. He speaks with Takeda, the commotion from earlier resolved in a few traded sentences.

Ball boy. It’s not what he planned for but…

Washijou hangs up after a few minutes. “I’ll be blunt,” he says. He meets Hinata’s gaze with steel in his own. “Without that Kageyama kid as your setter, I see no worth in your game at all.”

The building pressure in Hinata’s chest pops, dipping below his navel into the floor. A tension rises and clogs his throat. He is chained in place.

“If you don’t want to be a ball boy, you can go home.”

Hinata forces himself to take one step forward, past the roots clutching at his ankles. He declares his new role in front of his rivals, despite the embarrassment threatening to overwhelm him.

+++

His lectures the next day start in the morning, with Daichi ranting about his lack of perception, and Ukai asking him to figure out what he can do with the time he has at the camp.

But Hinata doesn’t crumble. He sits properly and listens carefully.

Then he talks to Takeda.

“He who climbs the ladder must begin at the bottom,” Takeda says. He sits across from Hinata, kneeling and posture perfect. “To become someone great, you must first begin as someone humble and then proceed one step at a time in the proper order.”

Hinata focuses on the tiled floor digging into his knees. Otherwise, the tears of frustration might cut down his face.

+++

It’s midday at Karasuno, but Hinata is exhausted from the reaming he’s received in the past twenty four hours.

Not that he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t realize the large inconvenience he created by forcing his way into the training camp.

Or maybe he did. But the frustration for his stunted growth took control and he didn’t think through his actions. Yet his passion for volleyball will never be enough to overcome his own faults.

As Hinata makes his way to the volleyball club room, he makes a mental list:

My Flaws

  1. Impulsive.
  2. Singular strengths in volleyball, spiking and jumping.
  3. Failure at Receiving. Serving. Blocking.
  4. Kageyama, my rival, is playing at a national level and I’m a ball boy for a training camp.



The last one tacks onto Hinata’s mind and stays there. Kageyama is so skilled that he gets to go to a national training camp for other talented players, while Hinata chose to spend five days wiping sweat from the floor and washing practice jerseys.

Kageyama earned his place, though. Hinata simply showed up where he was unwanted and demanded to be heard.

He has a habit of doing that, Hinata thinks. When he first met Kageyama, he demanded to be seen. He wanted to be acknowledged by this grumpy, tall player, to have him look at him with respect for his play.

Now, Hinata doesn’t know what he wants.

Reaching the club room, Hinata slides the door open, moving to his locker to grab his extra t-shirt. He spies a folded piece of paper by Kageyama’s locker, and picks it up.

It’s a torn page from Kageyama’s volleyball journal, with his own annotated notes on how to get to his training camp.

Hinata pulls out his phone. He wants to message Kageyama, ask if he got lost on the way to the stadium.

But he doesn’t. He tucks the paper into his pocket, grabs his shirt, and leaves the club room.

He makes another mental list: Kageyama’s Flaws

  1. Bad at directions.



+++

“Why aren’t you out there playing?”

Shiratorizawa’s middle blocker, Tendou, isn’t intentionally mean with his curiosity. Still, his words grate on Hinata as he keeps track of the scoreboard.

“I—I wasn’t invited,” Hinata says.

“Huh?” Tendou raises an eyebrow. “Then why are you here?”

Tingling warmth flushes through Hinata’s cheeks. “I crashed it.”

“Wha ha aha ah!” Tendou’s laughter explodes across the squeaking sneakers in the gym. “That’s crazy! Wakatoshi-kun, did you hear that?!?”

“Then...” Ushijima says, turning to Hinata. “What are you doing?”

Before Hinata can respond, one of the other ball boys asks to trade positions, if Hinata will fold jerseys for him. Hinata rushes off as quickly as he can.

+++

Plastic exercise mats have a distinct smell. They’re stale, inanimate, stagnant, and they slick off sweat in an instant like it never existed in the first place. But the dried water and tight rubber remain.

Hinata thinks he’s quite familiar with this smell, as his head is currently shoved into a whole stack of mats right now.

No one put him there. He shoved his own head between the cushioned plastic and decided this was the perfect place to have a meltdown.

As long as his face is blocked. Maybe then he can actually think, without all the wary glances the other first years have thrown him.

He knows he’s disappointed people. He knows he’s disappointed himself.

His desire to be a powerful volleyball player is so far from him, no matter how much he strains. He keeps reaching his fingers to the fringes of the next step, and he can’t seem to get there.

Takeda said he needs to start from the bottom. And yet he longs to reach for the sun.

If he had the advantage of a coach and direction earlier, he would have been invited to this camp. If he had proven himself worthy of this opportunity, despite his height…

The fact of the matter is: he didn’t have these advantages. He spent three years on his own, practicing in hallways, alone except for the spare friend he dragged into practice with him. His first true team experience happened against Kageyama, the king of the court. And he lost in a devastating 31 minutes. Sometimes, he still feels as small as he did that day, when asked through a volleyball net what he had done for the past few years.

Instead of anger, now, though, he feels tired. Embarrassed. Of how poorly he has taken advantage of the moments since then.

He has a coach now. He has a team now. He has so much left to learn. Time has long passed since his first spike, and there is nothing he can do to change that. He can only make the most of the moments he has with him.

Hinata pulls his head from the stack of mats, and breathes in the air of the cluttered storeroom.

What else is he to do? He has to find the worth in himself, the worth of this camp that he forced himself into.

If he is on the bottom rung, he will make his fingertips bleed to cling onto the next level. This training is what he makes of it. He can watch and learn from above.

Maybe he’ll pick up something useful in the process.

+++

It’s amazing, the thrill of discovery. Of remembering a single piece of advice from long ago.

“Splatter step?”

“No, split step!”

His wings expand with this drop of information, that he can encourage to grow with his own two feet.

+++

The two-on-two matches encourage a glimmer of anticipation to flutter through Hinata’s head. The players moving around on the court, only the two of them there to make sure the ball stays in the air. From receive-set-spike, the players have to adapt to quick changes at the turn of a hat.

He wants to… he needs to be able to do everything.

But how does he get there?

+++

After their final day of practice, Kindaichi asks: “how is Kageyama?”

Hinata isn’t sure why Kageyama’s middle school teammate is asking him about Kageyama, but something in Hinata’s chest thumps. There really isn’t anything for him to say other than:

“Getting into fights is normal. When there’s something you really want, fighting for it is okay!” Hinata smiles. “Don’t worry. Kageyama is fine.”

He’ll make sure of it.

+++

Kageyama has interesting eyes. With his precise sets and attention to detail, he can detect the slightest change in a spiker’s form, if they’re falling out or if they’re on top of their game. He can focus so deliberately and notice the differences in a person’s quirks, their strengths and weaknesses.

He doesn’t miss much when it comes to Hinata.

Hinata often feels Kageyama’s gaze on him, on the court and off. Whenever their eyes meet, Kageyama quickly looks away, a light blush to his cheeks, as if he could only look at Hinata when he’s not aware of it. Hinata doesn't know quite what draws the setter to him, but it does make a smile blossom on his lips.

Every so often, Kageyama will hold his eyes on Hinata’s and lets his pinpoint accuracy focus on Hinata, and Hinata only. Kageyama has the bluest eyes Hinata has ever seen. When they look at his own copper brown, his heart shudders and restarts to a rapid pace.

It’s overwhelming, if Hinata is honest.

They’re sitting on the stairs, after their training camps. Well, Kageyama’s national training camp and the first year training camp that Hinata hijacked.

The bitterness of winter creeps through Hinata’s layers, even though he has his head tucked into the folds of his scarf. He looks at Kageyama over the edge of the woolen cloth.

“So what did you do?” Kageyama asks.

Hinata stares him down, putting strength into his gaze. He ignores the goosebumps that threaten to break through his skin. “I learned how to play ball boy.”

And to Hinata’s surprise, Kageyama smiles.

It’s sharp and wild, matching the intensity of his eyes that are so used to finding Hinata across the court.

Hinata shivers. He feels hot and warm and all squirmy in his stomach. Under the direct gaze of sharp blue, a stab of self-consciousness spikes through his ribcage. He can only handle those eyes for so long.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Hinata says.

“Like what?” Kageyama’s voice takes on a sharp edge.

Hinata flails his arms around trying to explain. “Like you want to… eat me, or something.” He huffs out a breath. “It’s distracting.”

Kageyama shakes his head. “Do you have the key, dumbass?”

Ignoring Hinata’s question. But Hinata lets it slide, anything to get the pressure off his skin. He feels some soothing relief when allowed to put the energy of discomfort through tossing the volleyball.

Kageyama catches Hinata up on his training camp, and they fall into the comfortable rapport of their bickering and comradery.

It’s nice. It’s normal. It is not this unknowable something of their cloudy future; they understand each other and where they are now.

Over the past week, he has missed the bickering he and Kageyama always get into.

He didn’t miss Kageyama… that would be weird and Tsukishima would probably say Hinata is ‘masochistic’. He uses that word often when talking about the two, though Hinata isn’t quite sure of its meaning.

Hinata misses the feeling of belonging. Kageyama fits right next to him, their easy competitiveness clicking into his gaps, instead of the struggles he faced in the past week. Growing means breaking free, but for now, Hinata is fine to have a rest and ease into the comfort of silly arguments.

It’s nice for Kageyama to be back. Kageyama can be nice.

Hinata stumbles when he tosses to Kageyama again, but Kageyama doesn’t say anything as Hinata almost misses the ball.

Yes, Hinata thinks. Kageyama can be nice. He doesn’t assume that Hinata wasted his time as a ball boy, and fully believes that Hinata used their break to do something to improve his skills.

Hinata is so used to chasing from behind. But he will continue to push and push, to keep going further.

Kageyama knows that, too. Later, when they’re on the staircase before going to the clubroom, he tells Hinata “you can jump even higher.”

And Hinata feels a familiar warmth blossom in his stomach, one that provides him companionship on his nightly bike ride home.

+++

A rigid tension is rooted in the bodies of all of Hinata’s teammates, an explosion ready to tick off at the smallest hint of a spark. The Date Tech team is the opposite, fluid despite the rigidity of their blocks.

Hinata senses the bud of the tension residing in Kageyama.

The setter has been quiet recently, not responding to Hinata’s jabs with as much fervor; he should stop thinking so hard or his brain will fizz out from overuse. It comes to a head when Noya accidentally gets in the way of a back attack and Kageyama calls him out for it.

Kageyama was right, but Hinata recognizes the way he said it wasn’t what his other teammates are used to. If it was Hinata, he’d yell right back.

When Asahi messes up a spike, Kageyama finally snaps.

“Stop screwing around and score already!”

The whole team is shocked into silence. The one who looks terrified, though, is Kageyama.

Hinata has had enough. “Y’know, I’ve been thinking. What is so bad about being a king?” He whips his towel around his neck. “If I don’t agree with what Kageyama says, I’ll just ignore him!”

He knows that not everyone will want to hear Crabbyama’s whining, but he is an amazing player for a reason. Sometimes he has good advice, beneath all that anger.

The team takes in his response, murmuring about their own views on how to receive feedback. They continue playing, and Hinata watches as Kageyama sets the ball just a little higher for Tsukishima. Hinata smirks to himself.

He fiddles with the towel, folding it into a circular shape. “No matter how hard you try to be nice and quiet, inside you’re a king. Accept it!”

Hinata jumps high. “I crown you, the new king of the court!” When he lands, a new era is ushered in.

Of course, Kageyama has to ruin the moment by throwing the towel back in Hinata’s face.

When Hinata removes the towel, though, the slightest tilt graces Kageyama’s lips, like a breath of sunshine in the middle of a summer storm. Hinata glimmers with pride at giving back to Kageyama what he gave to him.

+++

Hinata sends the text before he can think better of it.

_Gonna head over and do a New Year’s shrine visit with Yamaguchi to pray for certain victory. You coming or nah?_

A _buzz buzz_ of his phone tells him he gets a reply soon after.

Underneath Hinata’s text, he gets a:

_Nah._

“HNGH!” Hinata chucks his phone onto his bed.

Stupid Kageyama. Avoiding important bonding time. If he doesn’t want to hang out with Hinata, then fine, he doesn’t have to.

Hinata would have a fun time with his number one teammate, Yamaguchi.

As always, Hinata takes his bike for a ride on his way to the shrine. He thinks about the few days until they go to Nationals, the limited time left. It’s closing in, fast, and by next week, the winner will have been decided.

It’s weird that a tournament they’ve been preparing months for will end in such a quick stretch of time.

Hinata locks his bike at the rack and walks into the shrine. Yamaguchi said he would meet Hinata inside the entrance. He finds him quickly, right under a tree that adds to the natural ambience of the place.

“Ready to go?” Yamaguchi says, pointing to the line of praying individuals. Hinata nods his head.

They stand in line quietly, each with their own thoughts, until Yamaguchi asks: “Something bothering you?”

“No, just Kageyama being stupid.” Hinata shakes his head to rid it of the fog. “He never wants to come to these things.”

“Maybe he’s busy with family obligations, like Tsukki and Yachi-san.” Yamaguchi offers him a kind smile.

“Yeah, maybe,” Hinata says, but he’s unconvinced. Kageyama didn’t seem like the person who wanted to hang out with friends or do anything that didn’t help him with volleyball. Hinata could understand the singular focus, but he also wished Kageyama wanted to spend time with his teammates.

It was awfully lonely to do everything by yourself.

Before he knows it, they’ve reached the front of the line. They bend, clap, and offer their prayers. But instead of the victory wishes he had, his mind offers a different one.

_Please let Kageyama come with us next time. We can play volleyball after._

“Well, maybe the gods will hear our prayers,” Yamaguchi says as they exit the line to go pull their fortunes. “I think the others will be going to the shrine for the same thing; the more the better.”

Hinata tries to feel guilty for not actually praying for fortune, but he also doesn’t want to take it back.

After they pull their fortunes, they head their separate ways. Yamaguchi says he has to go the other direction, go to visit his own family.

On the ride back to his house, Hinata bikes past Karasuno. His bike is already leaning that way, so he makes a detour to the gym.

He’s not the only one there, as Tanaka and Noya are already playing a paddle game. Hinata laughs and joins them.

They laugh and jump and swing the paddles widely. They’re not the best at the game, but Noya is a champ. Hinata runs up to him to bonk him with the paddle when he hears:

“What are you all doing out here?”

Hinata turns to the newcomer. Kageyama is in his running gear, breath coming in white puffs.

Ah, so he was on a run? That’s why he didn’t come to the shrine. Hinata chuckles. Of course he was.

“Do you want to play against me?” Hinata asks, holding up a paddle.

The fire of competition gleams in Kageyama’s eyes. “You’re on.”

They don’t get to play for much longer, as Daichi arrives soon after and they have to stop their game. He tells them that to go home and rest, since nationals would be here before they knew it.

Only a bit more. Then they’d be there.

+++

Nationals is vast and confusing, with the smushed bodies of thousands of people preparing for the tournament. The stadium buzzes with tension and bubbling excitement, the intensity coalescing into an inferno of cheers.

Karasuno plays their first game, after avoiding the catastrophe that is Hinata’s missing shoes, and they win in two sets. Hinata feels the sting on his chest as they leave the court, onto the next task.

He was able to position himself a few times, almost correctly, during his limited time on the back end of the court. Receiving spikes takes a lot of concentration, especially with the level of power in a nationals tournament. With the training camp, Hinata envies his stolen back court time from Noya even more than he did before.

Hinata used to freeze and brace for impact, but with his split step, he can always form a reset point. His tiny progress makes him smile to himself.

Hinata gets to cheer on Bokuto in Fukurodani’s first game. He waves his new ace t-shirt and screams so loud his voice hurts.

His friend’s smile at the cheering makes it worth it.

“Wow, Fukurodani is really good!” Yamaguchi says to him as they exit the smaller arena.

“Right!” Hinata nods his head, swinging his purchase from his hand. His good mood continues to rise and fall with the voices of other people swimming around him.

“Excuse me! That one please! Size small!”

Hinata’s not sure what makes him turn toward the voice. The clear tone sailed above the chatter, begging to be heard by Hinata’s ears.

Maybe it was fate that made him look back at the merchandise stand.

His eyes lock onto another boy’s, one with vibrant white hair spiked all around his wide eyes. Electricity sparks between them and Hinata knows, if he looks away, he loses.

“Oh, Hoshiumi-san. Hello.”

Hinata blinks and silently curses. Kageyama is next to him, looking through the t-shirts.

Hoshiumi turns toward Kageyama and speaks with him. Irritation twinges through Hinata. These two know each other, and from the youth camp, nonetheless. He’s conveniently reminded that Kageyama has a life outside of the Karasuno team.

Finally, Hoshiumi redirects his attention to Hinata: “What position do you play?”

“Middle blocker?” Hinata says, eyebrows raised at being invited back into the conversation.

This seems to annoy the boy because he asks Hinata: “How tall are you?”

“16...5 cm”. What’s a little white lie in the long run?

“Your running vertical?” Hoshiumi presses.

“333cm!”

The boy grins, smirking wide at whatever is going through his head. Hinata stares back, a little peeved at the interaction.

Hoshiumi’s teammate calls for him and he leaves, but not before sending one last challenging glare at Hinata. It’s as if there is now a competition between them, one where Hinata doesn't know how began.

“What was that about?” Kageyama crosses his arms, his bag of purchases looped on one arm.

“I’m not… sure,” Hinata says, honestly.

But it becomes clearer, later. Hinata watches the court with an intense focus as Hoshiumi launches himself into the air, clear and high into flight. His jump is higher than Hinata’s.

A growing feeling takes root in his stomach. “I’m going to get a closer look,” Hinata says.

He sprints through the crowd, again, this time with a different destination in mind. It doesn’t take long for him to be on the ground level.

As Hoshiumi spikes the last point in the game, Hinata’s eyes flash.

The game now over and the next teams rushing on, Hoshiumi takes an interview, a rare occurrence, according to Kageyama. The words are not all audible until Hoshiumi’s body tenses with agitation as he shouts:

“Yes, being short is a disadvantage, but it isn’t a sign of incompetence.”

Hinata’s chest and forearms tingle with the words.

He treks up the stairs, back to his teammates. They have to leave soon. But before they go, Hinata says: “I’m really glad I got to come here.”

+++

A bam jump. Putting all his weight into the ball and—

_BLAP_

Getting hit in the face with a volleyball still hurts, even after all this time. He hears Kageyama yelling at him again, and Hinata ignores him, far too focused with the desire to jump. Higher. Faster.

“Heya! You look like you’re really getting into it.”

The blonde haired twin from Inarizaki walks over to Kageyama and Hinata. His name is… Atsumu, right?

“How ya been doing, Tobio-kun? I’m really hoping you go all out, ‘cause there’s nothing I hate more than wasting my time playing scrubs.”

Hinata opens his mouth to respond but Kageyama does it for him: “I’m not a scrub.”

“Oh, I know.”

“He’s a total scrub though.”

Shame builds in Hinata, though he just rolls his eyes. “Did you have to say that out loud?”

Kageyama ignores him, and continues: “But we don’t suck at all, so I don’t think you’ll have to worry.”

Well at least Kageyama got there eventually, Hinata thinks.

+++

Inarizaki is trying to eliminate their attack courses.

He won’t give up. He raises into flight.

Again. Again.

+++

Karasuno. Going too fast. Things are muddled, too much, all-consuming—

No. He won’t get caught.

This is their time, the moment is here and—

Atsumu to Osamu to Ojiro, a palm slamming against the ball and then—

The breath of a receive. Remembering to inhale, to exhale. To _breathe._

He sinks low, arms straight, the ball pangs against his skin, for a second, before it sails in a high arc, towards the setter.

Kageyama.

The thrill of perfection. Elation.

He’s done it.

Hinata waits for the praise.

It doesn’t come.

Off the court, he asks Kageyama if he saw.

No? Then, watch me next time, Kageyama.

+++

There’s a threat of trust. Of pressure. Kageyama expects the best.

Hinata will exceed this. There’s no other option.

It’s terrifying. It’s exhilarating.

+++

“Go on, complain,” Kageyama says.

“Complain?” Hinata laughs, eyes crinkled around the corners. “Send me the next one, too!”

+++

The whistle tweets. They collapse on the ground.

The crows clawed out the eyes of the fox. It was over.

“Didja see my awesome block, Kageyama?”

“I blocked that.”

“No, I did.”

“I did.”

He earns a kick for that.

_First, my receive, now my block? What will be enough for you Kageyama?_

+++

“I’ll toss to you, one of these days.”

Hinata blinks at Atsumu. His stomach swims with butterflies. He opens his mouth to respond.

“But before that, I’ll crush you.”

Hinata snickers. He tries to reply, for the second time, when:

“Come on, Hinata. Let’s go.”

Hinata redirects his attention, a siren call meant for him, and smiles at Kageyama. He turns back towards Atsumu.

“I’ll see you then.”

He rushes off, towards Kageyama, and meets a steely glare when he gets to his friend.

“Kageyama?”

“... Nothing.”

Hinata shrugs. Not for him to worry about.

They were moving on towards the next round.

+++

Hinata is restless. He can’t calm down.

He swims in the baths, brain too wired to sleep.

It must be the thrill of the receive he made that day. He can’t get it out of his mind.

His bleeding fingers finally clutching the next step of the ladder.

+++

The caged bird holds a dagger in his maw. He won’t let the cat near him. If he tries even another beat forward, the knife would find home in his throat.

+++

“You’ve gotten good at receives.”

Hinata bursts with pride.

“Stay interesting, Shouyou.”

+++

He struggles. He knifes out another point. Anything to keep going.

He is still waiting for those words.

Then, they’re there.

“That was fun,” Kenma says.

Shock, first, followed closely by whoops of laughter.

+++

“That was a good game, Shouyou.”

Hinata smiles, heart thrumming with energy. The infamous Garbage Dump battle finally happened, with Karasuno fighting out a win. When Kenma dropped to the ground in exhaustion, but smiling, Hinata knew he had truly won. He had kept his promise, to show Kenma a game worth the energy.

They’re in the subarena, sweaty and sticky after the win. Hinata still needs to change for the next game.

The next game. They’re facing off with Hoshiumi.

“Shouyou.” Kenma tilts his head, picking apart Hinata with his eyes, much like he did during the game. “What do you want to do next?”

Hinata blinks. He looks around the stadium. “Uh, to beat Hoshiumi and his team?” It doesn’t sound quite right to him. “And then win nationals in the finals.”

Kenma shakes his head, a knowing grin growing on his lips. He doesn’t smile much except for around Shouyou. “This might be my last nationals.”

“Don’t say that!” Hinata says. He doesn’t regret winning but he does wish Kenma could keep playing. Unfortunately, in a tournament, you have to win to keep playing.

“My point is, Shouyou, volleyball isn’t everything to me.” Kenma says, bluntly. Hinata winces. “It seems to be your everything. What will you do once nationals is over?”

Things like his future flash through his mind. V-league. Olympics. Gold medals. He shakes them off. “I want to win. I’ll leave what’s next for later.”

Kenma hums. “Okay.” He looks around. “I’m going after Kuroo.” And with that, he’s gone like a ghost.

Hinata mulls over Kenma’s words. What does he want next? His palms itch.

“Hinata, you need to eat.”

It’s the last thing on his mind. He wants to keep playing.

The rest could come later.

+++

The Little Giant is different in person. His back, once broad on a scratchy tv screen, is now swathed in layers that make him look different.

Softer. Smaller.

He doesn’t play volleyball anymore, which Hinata should’ve realized sooner. He had been so excited by their meeting that he didn’t pick up the signs.

He’s curious, though. Why doesn’t he feel disappointed?

It’s as if the place where the Little Giant stood is now different in his mind, his goals changed from what they were. They’re still cloudy, but they become clearer with each second that passes.

When he sees Kageyama waving him over, he’s more assured.

His new search begins here.

+++

Two birds in the sky. Only one will survive.

+++

Hinata smacks Kageyama’s hands. They’re on fire. They could win.

Kageyama shoves him away, but eyes him warily.

Heat courses through Hinata’s body. They just had to keep going.

+++

He’s the strongest decoy. The coolest after the setter, according to Kageyama.

Secretly, Hinata thinks his name is better.

He tells Hoshiumi he can have the nickname, which makes the other squawk in anger. Hinata brushes it aside.

His focus sharpens. His goals glimmer with possibilities.

+++

They can do it.

They can do it.

If he can just get another break point, then he stays on the court.

Kageyama sets it high and fast, perfectly centered in Hinata’s palm, at the highest arc in his back attack.

It slams into the other side of the court, and Hinata lands on the ground.

The ball paints the line; the official points the flag down. In. A point for Karasuno.

_It’s still my turn._

Hinata gets to stay on the court.

The crowd cheers for Karasuno, who snatches a break point. It’s 14-13.

Hinata is still on the ground. Tanaka offers a hand up, and Hinata smiles gratefully. He reaches, leaning his bodyweight forward—

Their hands miss. Hinata trips and lands on the ground. His knee is protected by the kneepad, but he realizes something.

He can’t breathe. His breath comes in short, quick gasps. An overwhelming heat encompasses him.

He tries to get up again, once, twice, three times. But each time, he stumbles and lands on the floor.

“He probably has a fever.”

Their teammates turn to Kageyama, blank shock written on their faces. Nausea pools in Hinata’s stomach.

Karasuno calls for a timeout. As soon as he walks off the court, Hinata is sat on the bench.

“I didn’t think much of it before because he was running around, but his hands were hot,” Kageyama says. Their hands had touched, Hinata had thought...

For the first time since the time out was called, fear plummets through his veins. “What are you talking about? They’re normal!”

Kageyama keeps talking: “Since last night, he’s been high strung. Normally, after a match, he would jump at eating, but he didn’t eat or rest after last match.

“His switch has been running continuously on full power. It’s not strange for him to have run out of energy.”

Shimizu checks the thermometer. Her face stills, mouth in a tight line.

“But it’s not like it hurts anywhere!” Hinata stands up from the bench. He doesn't stumble; he just needed a break, he’s fine now. “I can jump!”

He lurches forward, grasping Coach’s arms. They need to understand. “I’m not injured! I’m—I’m not injured!”

Coach moves away, and Takeda takes his position. He places his hands on Hinata’s shoulders, guiding him to sit down. “We need to make sure you get checked out.”

“I know it’s not what you want to hear but right now, I can’t let you play in the match any longer. You know that there are walls you can’t just overcome with reckless effort.”

Hinata chokes. He’s tied down. Again. He can’t escape. The suffocating feeling builds. Not again.

The words of his coach swim in his ear, the heat in his body making everything fuzzy. But he hears them anyway: “This moment, right now, this is also volleyball.”

He wants to cry. He can’t, too overwhelmed to do so.

He turns toward his last hope.

“Kageyama, please. Please!”

_Let me stay on the court._

Kageyama spares one look in his direction, his mouth is pulled into a pout. He turns away.

With this rejection, Hinata’s hopes fall. If even Kageyama thinks he’s too sick to play…

The next few minutes blur past him. He can’t remember them, just that he’s in the stadium and then out of it.

And as the gym doors close, Hinata looks on as he walks away. His wings shatter.

+++

They lose nationals in the quarterfinals. Worse, Hinata isn’t there for it. He’s in a hospital waiting room to get some medicine to help his fever.

With a final slam of a volleyball on the court on a tablet screen, his first year of volleyball is over. He didn’t spend the last minutes of it on a court, but in the sterile air conditioned waiting room.

Hinata grips his hands on his knees and bows.

+++

Later that night, when the lights of the day have long disappeared, Hinata hears a knock on his door. His head is clogged with the aftereffects of fever, so he mumbles to allow the person into his room.

Kageyama slides the door open, a tray of onigiri in his hands.

“Kageyama…?” Hinata says, weakly. The cold cloth on his forehead slides down.

Kageyama tsks. “Idiot.” He walks over to Hinata and sets down the tray. He picks up the cloth on the floor and places it onto Hinata’s head. “Don’t let it fall.”

Hinata doesn’t feel like saying much as he sinks into the pillows. “Mm.” He looks at the tray. “Where did you get that?”

“Took it from dinner,” Kageyama says. “Are you hungry?”

Not really, but Hinata takes a triangle anyways. He nibbles at the rice. “Why did you bring these?”

“Wanted to,” Kageyama grumbles. “You didn’t get to eat a team dinner with us. And we always eat together, win or lose.”

Hinata’s lips tick upward, despite the sorrow at his words. “Thank you, Kageyama.”

“Don’t tell anyone.” Kageyama looks around the room, avoiding Hinata’s eyes. “Coach and Takeda-sensei will kill me if they find out.”

Hinata won’t tell anyone, for very selfish reasons. He will tuck this small moment of Kageyama’s kindness close to his heart.

There’s a moment of quiet, the moonlight filtering in through the window in a white glow. Then: “Why did you push yourself so hard?”

Hinata shrugs, burrowing deeper into the comfy blankets. “I didn’t have another choice. I had to do what was best for the team.”

“And what’s best for you doesn’t matter?” Kageyama’s voice raises a few notches, loud in the silence of the room.

Hinata fiddles with his hands. He avoids talking about this as much as possible. “Sometimes, what I need doesn’t matter.”

“I was worried about you, idiot.”

Hinata sucks in a breath.

Kageyama looks out the window in the room. The soft moonlight glances across his skin. “You don’t always have to be the fastest on the court.” He seems to be willing for Hinata to understand, yet Hinata is at a loss for what he wants him to know.

Kageyama takes the tray from the floor. “I won’t set to you until you recover.” Hinata wants to protest but he can’t really disagree. Coach had said the same thing.

“Kageyama?”

“Hm?”

“Thanks again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> Special thanks to Em and Anna for their extra eyes and doses of encouragement. I was really stuck with the plot at certain points, and Em helped with ironing it out. I owe her many times over. And Anna doing the last readthrough really helped me throw this into the void. Love you both so so dearly <3
> 
> twitter: [@majesticdeku](https://twitter.com/majesticdeku)  
> tumblr: [majesticanna](https://majesticanna.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	2. level up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata is a second year, officially. On the first day back to start the bright new year, his teacher hands out a form about post-graduation plans.

Before he knows it, it’s March, and the third years of Karasuno graduate. Hinata stands before his old teammates with the other first and second years. His eyes pinch at the corners as he withholds emotion in a cold spring air.

It doesn’t feel as bitter now, their loss at nationals. There’s nothing Hinata can do about the failure. He can only get better at volleyball.

Still, saying goodbye like this, Hinata almost wishes he could replay time, stay in these moments with his teammates.

He glances at Kageyama out of the corner of his eye as they bow to the third years.

He’ll miss them and the moments they shared.

+++

Hinata is a second year, officially. On the first day back to start the bright new year, his teacher hands out a form about post-graduation plans.

It’s true that they will be spending their third year studying and taking the exams, so it’s better to prepare beforehand.

A twinge in his chest reminds him how important it is to prepare.

He’s done a lot of thinking about his future. Mediocre to abysmal grades aside, Hinata isn’t interested in going to college. Having to spend time studying alongside volleyball would be too much on his plate.

He thinks back on Udai, the Little Giant. No offers to join teams, who went to college because he wanted to do something else.

Hinata knows that he loves volleyball. He doesn’t want to do anything else. The path to the top, is the only one he wants to take, the one he wants to make his life.

Plus, he has a promise to keep.

The real question is, what will be the best option to get the most experience the fastest? Kageyama and other national level players have been playing for years, and Hinata cannot catch up with his reflexes alone.

Hinata sketches on the edges of the form his teacher had handed out, tiny little volleyballs, formations, small doodles that drift through his mind. He snickers when he draws a misshapen blob with emo fringe and a tiny pout.

He pauses, purses his lips. When did he have his greatest growth? When did he learn the most?

He thinks back to the training camp, when he finally learned the split step, a memory finally brought to the forefront of his mind. Watching the court, from above, he had been able to apply his volleyball knowledge simply by changing perspective.

But more than that, witnessing Hyakuzawa forced to try Hinata’s suggestion and reset the ball high and slow. There had only been two people on the court, no relying on other players to cover the others’ faults.

If there were only two people on the court… Reaching with his own arms to get the next hit… But the only volleyball like that is...

Waves crashing on the shore. Coarse sand between his toes. The salty breeze on his skin as he shoots into the air and slams the ball down to the other end of the court.

Beach volleyball.

Hinata stands up, pushing away from his desk. His classmates turn toward him and he laughs awkwardly. He bows to the teacher in apology; she simply tuts and returns to the lesson.

As he sits down in his chair, Hinata grips the edges of his school paper, nipping at his bottom lip.

He needs help. He needs to talk to Coach.

+++

The Sakanoshita shop hums with electricity, the warm smell of steamed buns permeating through the store. The cool air of a late spring day keeps Hinata refreshed as it filters in from the open door. He enjoys spending time with Coach, and sometimes Kageyama or Yachi or his other teammates, sitting and chatting, usually about volleyball.

It’s where Hinata sits now, in front of Coach Ukai, a stranglehold on the magazines in his palms.

He lays his papers out on the counter. Coach stares back at him.

“After I graduate, I want to try beach practice,” Hinata says. His hands slide through the sweat sticking to the edges of the magazines.

“Beach… you mean, beach volleyball?” Ukai’s tone considers his words, not outright dismissing them.

“Since the 2v2 practice, I’ve been thinking about it…” Hinata says, staring down at the pages in front of him. “Being able to do everything on the court. Beach volleyball would be great practice.”

Ukai crosses his arms, head tilted to the side. “I don’t know anyone with contact in that realm but…” He hums. Hinata inhales a breath. “We’ve got time. We can look into it.”

“Thank you, Coach.” He breathes in quiet relief, and bows low.

“Y’know, Hinata.” Ukai takes a seat across from him. “Did you consider trying for the lower leagues? Going to college?”

Hinata picks at the edge of a magazine. “I did.” He looks up to stare at Ukai. “But I think that I would end up being an asset to the team instead of focusing on what I need to do for myself.” He shifts his gaze away. “I don’t want to fall behind because I get stuck there.”

Outside the window, a person bikes down the street, zooming past the storefront. Hinata continues: “I don’t want my premiere in the professional leagues to be anything other than division one. By practicing beach, I’ll get the conditioning training and technique involved in indoor. Using the two on twos to improve on my skills.

“I don’t know if I’d get any offers anyways.” Hinata laughs, brushing his hands across his knees.

“Height isn’t everything,” Ukai says.

“Not when I can jump.”

“Good.” Ukai leans back in his chair. He writes something down in a notebook. “Keep it mind, though. In case you change your mind.”

“I will.” But in his heart, Hinata already knows what he wants.

Nonetheless, there’s a reason he listens to his coach.

+++

The sting of loss is combated by the shine of his friends’ win. Date Tech really gave them the runaround with their blocks this time. They deserved the Interhigh win for the sheer tenacity of dealing with Karasuno’s relentless attacks. And though Hinata wants to go to nationals again, he’s already thinking about Spring Nationals.

One more time.

As he turns to his teammates, he sees grim determination in the line of their lips and furrow of their brows. They’re already looking forward to the next tournament, to a rematch against Date Tech. To the future.

Hinata is not sad to have played a good game.

+++

“You sure you aren’t dragging there, King?”

Hinata snickers at Tsukishima’s snark, biting even during their seals around the court. Kageyama doesn’t deign to respond, just glares sharply at his teammate.

It is hot at the Tokyo training camps, Hinata can admit. He’s been chugging water at every opportunity, but not so much that it hurts his tummy. Hinata has been reading a lot of health journals lately, ones he’s found at the library from Ukai’s recommendations. After their round of seals, Hinata walks over to the temporary bench and switches to an electrolyte sports drink.

“Here, Hinata.” Yachi passes him a sweat towel. Hinata nods in thanks.

Hinata is used to having a boundless tank of energy, but in the Tokyo heat, the sweat builds on him faster, and each game takes more effort from him. He’s not finished, not yet, but he’s already mentally calculating how much fluid he should take in before dinner.

“Shouyou.” Kenma walks over to him and Yachi, smiling despite having just pushed Karasuno to their limits in the last set. “Are you working on your serves?”

“Yeah!” Hinata caps his drink and poses with it. “I can’t do jump serves yet so I wanted to work on targeting them at certain areas of the court, like Suga-san did!”

Kenma shakes his head. “Leveling up every time we see each other. It’s impressive.”

Hinata shrugs, sheepishly. “Thanks. I still have a long way to go, though.”

“That’s good.” Kenma smiles, his tiny ones that he reserves especially for close friends. “I don’t want you to ever stop.”

“Me neither.”

“Kozume-san, you’re a third year, right?” Yachi says, her voice shaking on the last word. She takes the sweat towel from Hinata and places it in the laundry pile growing next to her. “What are you going to do after you graduate?”

“I’m taking the year off,” Kenma says. Hinata and Yachi’s eyes widen synchronously. “Yeah, my parents had a similar reaction. But I think it’ll be the best in the long run.” His voice turns mysterious, his eyes glimmering with the potential of the future.

“If it’s what you think is best, then it probably is!” Hinata says, bumping into Kenma. “Let us know how it goes.”

“Of course, Shouyou.” A whistle blows, and Kenma turns to look at his gathering team. “I have to get back.” He turns to Hinata. “Give us more of a fight next time.”

Hinata’s eyes sharpen. “You’re on.”

+++

“Fukurodani is different without Bokuto.”

Kageyama makes the remark after they had their asses handed to them, making their third round of seals of the day, circling around the court.

“Really? I feel like I still got beat three ways to Sunday by them.” Yamaguchi winces.

“No, Kageyama’s right,” Hinata says, leaning down to do his next seal. “They’re less free with their plays. Akaashi has less opportunity to be creative with their volleys, and they tend to take a more conservative route with their quicks.”

Kageyama makes a noise of agreement.

“We’re not all volleyball monsters,” Tsukishima says, sounding disgusted. Hinata pokes his tongue out at him.

“I won’t lose!” Yamaguchi clenches his hand in acknowledgement, as if he’s just decided something.

Hinata shakes his head, mind already flitting to what he needs to do next.

+++

Hinata exits the bathroom, wiping his hair on his towel. His fluffy hair really could absorb a lot of moisture, and it was harder to dry in the humidity of the summer. His hair always wants to poof up in a bigger disarray than his normal wayward strands.

When he gets back to the shared room with the other Karasuno boys, it’s empty, besides Kageyama by his bed, writing diligently in his notebook.

“Kageyamaaaa.” Hinata throws his body down on the mat next to Kageyama. “How is your journaling going?”

“Fine, just noting down the differences in Fukurodani’s playstyle. I asked Yachi for our quick stats earlier to see how it’s holding against them.” Kageyama turns a page and continues to write. Hinata kicks his legs up in the air.

“When do you read over your journal notes, Kageyama?” Hinata asks.

“Usually once every few weeks or so.” Kageyama taps his pen against the page, and then keeps writing. “It’s good to look at trends, ideas I want to try out, or things I notice.”

“Am I in it?”

“Yes, idiot.” Hinata’s heart warms. “All of our teammates are. I have to keep track of all our players.”

“Oh.” Hinata feels a little grumpy now. “How often do you write about me, though?”

“Shut up,” Kageyama mumbles, who probably thinks it an adequate reply.

Hinata kicks his legs in the air again, feeling the weight in them. They seem to be in good condition, despite the amount of strain he’s placed on them. But then again, he has been taking care to build his muscle.

“What if I started a journal?” Hinata says, to break the quiet.

“What would you write in it?” Kageyama turns to squint at him. “Do you even know how to write?”

Hinata throws a pillow at him. “I’m better at languages than you, so you can be quiet.”

Kageyama hums. “Sure.” He turns another page of the book, the only sound in the room. Their other teammates would be coming in from the bath soon, though. “What would you write, anyways?”

“I don’t know,” Hinata says. “Maybe I could write down my training improvements or things I observe.”

Kageyama snorts. Hinata narrows his eyes. “What’s so funny?”

“Just… you observing.” Kageyama motions with his hands. “You’re so impulsive. It’s weird to see you think things through.”

“Hey!” A burst of fury rises in Hinata’s chest. “I’ve been using my brain since my super mega-awesome ball boy training camp!”

“Your brain probably wasn’t used to it, right?”

Hinata remembers how hungry he had been after the mental strain of the day, all the way back to last winter. “Screw you.” He smacks Kageyama with the pillow again.

Kageyama chuckles and goes back to writing in his notebook. Hinata feels the urge to keep bothering him, though.

“How did you start writing your journal?”

Kageyama freezes, pen poised at the top of his page. Hinata notices, but doesn’t say anything as Kageyama closes the book. “My grandfather suggested it to me.”

“Oh.” Hinata says. The fan blows in the background. “You don’t talk about your family much.”

“I guess I don’t.” Kageyama tucks his book in his bag. “I’m going to sleep.”

“Kageyama-kunnnnnnnnn, no one is even back yet.”

Kageyama doesn’t respond to Hinata’s teasing, so he continues. “Kageyamaaa, are you Sleepy-ama?”

Even this doesn’t drag anything out of Kageyama. Eventually, Hinata lies down on his own futon.

Snuggling into blankets, Hinata’s brain wanders. He’s tired from the day, but not enough to fully succumb to rest just yet.

He thinks on his conversation with Kageyama, how easy it was until Hinata asked after the journal.

Sometimes, when his mind focuses on their relationship, his chest tightens. They’re teammates, and their brains run the same track, often in sync far past the realms of normal. And then, they’ll meet a stopping point, one which leaves them scrambling to take hold, whether to keep going or to quit while they’re ahead.

It’s this realm of what comes next, and what has already transpired. Whether Hinata wants to know more about Kageyama or is content to stay as volleyball partners.

It’s an easy question, safe in the confines of his mind. He will follow the path until he gets to the root of Kageyama Tobio.

However, in practice, it becomes more of an issue. Kageyama’s stiffness doesn’t help, with his own barriers placed around him. Just a simple question about a journal and Kageyama turned him away.

Hinata wonders if Kageyama has any siblings. He has a grandfather, and Hinata’s heard him mention his parents off-hand from time to time, but Kageyama tends to keep his family life private. Hinata’s never even heard if they watch Karasuno’s games.

His own parents usually watch his games on the television, or when Hinata offers to show them a recording. Natsu gets particularly excited any time she sees Hinata jump in the air; Hinata even caught her practicing with the ball in their garden when he came home early from practice.

Do Kageyama’s parents and family support him in volleyball? Or do they simply think it’s a good way to get out energy, but less important than Kageyama’s studies? Hinata’s not sure; he hopes his family knows how amazing their son is at the sport, though.

These are questions Hinata may not get an answer to, but they drift through his mind, nonetheless, as his teammates sleepily trickle into the room. When the lights finally turn off, Hinata realizes he’s spent a lot of time stuck on Kageyama and his family. A light blush trickles to his cheeks as he wiggles his body further into the pillows.

When he falls asleep, he dreams of a chubby toddler with blue eyes, fascinated over the volleyball in his hands.

+++

The next night, the last of their training camp, Hinata pulls out a deck of cards.

“Kageyama.” He turns towards him. “Want to play?”

“I.” Kageyama blinks. “I don’t know how.”

“Don’t worry.” He sits down, crossing his legs. “I’ll teach you.”

“Okay…”

They play an easy game, one of just pulling cards and comparing their number. Kageyama takes to it fast, his eyes lighting up when he wins a pair or growing dimmer when he’s lost. Hinata’s lips twitch with amusement but he doesn’t point it out.

He keeps it tucked close to his heart, along with the questions he still has about his partner.

+++

Ukai goes above and beyond to take Hinata to their few leads in beach volleyball. The sport is even less popular than indoor volleyball in Japan, or the Miyagi prefecture in general. Coach Nekomata sends them a few addresses to check out, but there’s little luck to be found.

The warm summer fades from existence, to the cool tones of fall and with it, Hinata feels a little shred of hope fall from his grasp. He knew this might be difficult but…

“Looks like the beach scene is as small as we thought. We can try looking out of Miyagi next. Coach Nekomata gave me a few places to talk to.” Ukai sweeps the store’s debris into a pan from the foot traffic, the shoes that drag dust in from all walks of life.

Hinata swings his legs and nods in agreement. An older J-pop song plays from the tinny speakers, some radio station Ukai keeps on to attract customers.

A hand is placed on Hinata’s shoulder. He looks up to see Coach attempt an encouraging smile. “Hey, don’t worry about it.” He pats him a few times before letting go. “We’ll get this figured out before you graduate.”

Hinata nods, but he can’t help but feel nervous. Sometimes, all the effort in his life doesn’t feel like enough.

He remembers the nationals day and knows: he can’t force his way through.

But damn, doesn’t he wish he could.

“Have you been working on your conditioning?” Ukai says. “You’ve been doing well but outside of it…?”

“Yes.” This Hinata can answer with certainty. “I’ve been doing a lot of research, thanks to you.”

“No problem, Hinata. I’m happy to help.”

Hinata scratches his cheek with a finger. “I’ve been thinking of getting a journal.”

“Like Kageyama?” Ukai asks. He chuckles as he puts the broom down, takes the pan to the trash. “You really admire him, don’t you?”

Hinata can feel the warm blood trickling up his neck under his skin. “He’s good at volleyball for a reason.”

“That’s true,” Ukai walks back over to take a seat behind the counter. “He’s a hard worker.”

“Yeah…”

“And so are you,” Ukai says.

Hinata mumbles a weak “thanks, coach” under his breath.

Then, he draws his mentor into a long winded conversation about an upcoming practice match, the strategies they can execute to combat their ace.

+++

The Japan Youth training camp is coming soon. Kageyama would be going back to Tokyo to play with the best of the nation his age.

Hinata is happy for him.

He has no grand desires to crash the training camp. He learned his lesson. His time would come, even if it felt too far right now.

Hinata peers over the bag Kageyama is packing up in the club room, of extra clothes and gear he may need at the camp.

In the corner, just like last time, there’s a piece of paper written in tiny kanji script to guide Kageyama through the trains.

Hinata snickers. Seems Kageyama hasn’t improved with his directions yet.

“Do you have everything, Kageyama?”

“Yeah,” he says, standing up. He tucks the paper into his pocket and zips it up. “Should be easier to get to this time.”

Hinata eyes him warily. “You get lost a lot.”

“Be quiet.”

“Did Takeda-sensei write them out in katakana? Last time you struggled with the kanji—”

“I said be quiet!” Kageyama bristles, but not in an offended way. Just in his typical ‘I know I’m being teased and I want you to stop it’ way. Hinata smirks, satisfied.

There’s really nothing left for them to say. Practice is over for the day and their teammates have long since gone back home.

Hinata’s not quite sure why he stayed, but he did anyway.

“You’ll meet me there?”

Hinata raises his head, to meet Kageyama’s pinched brows. His friend is pouting, his face when he is struggling with what he wants to say.

Luckily, Hinata doesn’t want to press him for more. So he responds with:

“One day.”

They still had spring nationals to look forward to. They’d face the national stage together, again.

+++

During the Japan nationals training camp, it’s oddly quiet at Karasuno. A few of their first years had been invited to the Miyagi training camp, so there were fewer regulars than normal. Ennoshita and Coach had made sure their training was good for nationals this year, though.

Meanwhile, Hinata is without a distraction. With Kageyama gone, he’s left with more time to think about his future, the one that seems so far out of grasp. Coach Nekomata’s contacts lead them all over the prefecture, even making calls outside of it, or day trips to meet with other coaches. However, despite their effort, the track runs cold.

There doesn’t seem to be a good youth training league for beach volleyball nearby.

Hinata sighs, his frustration evident. He doesn’t know exactly what else there is to do. Unless beach volleyball somehow became more popular in the next few years, he’d have to leave Miyagi to find a good program.

His stomach, after times on the national stage and fighting tough opponents, is stronger than it used to be. However, even he feels a touch of anxiety at having to leave home for his next steps.

It’s on a day when he’s scheduled to help the first years that Takeda tells him Coach is on the line for him.

Curious, Hinata leaves the first years behind and makes the trek to the teacher’s room. When he reaches the phone, Coach Ukai speaks quickly:

“Hinata. I may have found something.”

Hinata’s heart pounds. There’s only one thing it could be.

“From who?”

“Coach Washijou,” Ukai says. “Do you have time to come with me to the first year training camp tomorrow?”

“Yes,” Hinata replies, a touch breathless. His chest is tight, in nerves and anticipation.

After a few traded words with Coach, he hangs up the phone.

Washijou was offering them a lead. His involvement would give Hinata an opportunity he didn’t have before.

And isn’t that a surprise? Whatever may have happened at spring qualifiers or the training camp his first year, Washijou was at least willing to offer advice to Hinata.

He smiles to himself. The light opening on the road ahead, it would become clearer.

All he needed was a leap of faith.

+++

“Rio? As in Brazil?”

His answer is quick, without thought. He already knows.

“I’ll go.”

+++

Washijou was not light in the requirements he had for Hinata. Learning two languages, training his body, studying the sport, preparing for living abroad… he needed a lot more than just his indoor volleyball skills to survive across the sea.

Hinata opens a blank page of his brand new notebook, and sketches down all the tasks he needs to do before he goes to Brazil.

He thinks about the challenge in Washijou’s eyes, leveled at him once again.

Hinata mustered up his courage and said: “I can do it. All of it.”

“Good luck,” Washijou had said. Hinata could’ve sworn he saw a smile on his lips.

The thrill of going overseas, to train in the world’s top volleyball country, he knows that he will have his work his ass off to be prepared by then.

But as he writes a new training and practice schedule, the lingering anxieties drift away.

They’re replaced by an intense excitement.

+++

“Shouyou-kun.”

Miya Atsumu stands across from Hinata on the court, the volleyball net separating them. It has been almost an exact year, plus or minus a few days, since he last saw that smirking face in front of him.

“Atsumu-san.” Hinata smiles. “I’m happy to play you guys again.”

“Hope you got even better,” Atsumu says, eyes shining with challenge. “Won’t be takin’ it easy.”

Hinata laughs. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Atsumu tilts his head to the side. Then, his face brightens, and he says: “Shouyou-kun, what are your plans—”

“C’mon, dumbass, we’re lining up!”

Kageyama, of course, chooses that moment to show up and demand attention. He eyes Atsumu like a guard dog, eyes threatening and challenging. Even though Hinata puzzled out the whole goody-two-shoes business, Kageyama has always seemed to have a natural antagonism against Atsumu.

Which isn’t saying much. Kageyama accidentally antagonizes a lot of people.

“Alright, alright.” Atsumu waves Kageyama away. “I get’cha. Guess Osamu was right.”

“About—”

“C’mon, Hinata, let’s go.”

Hinata is left more confused than before, but he pushes it aside.

It’s the twins’ final year of school. This game was do or die for them; Hinata needs to focus all of his energy into it.

He’s not planning on losing.

+++

The game ends in full sets and Karasuno are not the winners.

The twins crash into each other in a mashing of limbs, their final point scored by a good combo between them. A mirror to the loss from the year prior.

Hinata sighs, pops his shoulders with a roll of his neck. He really thought he had them, but alas.

Their dreams of a National title would have to wait another year.

“Hey.”

Hinata looks across the net to see Atsumu smirking at him. It’s not mean, though, his eyes are simply bright with the elation of their win.

“Are you giving up on the V-league?”

Hinata blinks.

Well. Hinata never thought Atsumu was known for his tact.

Hinata knows his skills have vastly improved in the past two years, but he has to admit he is still not at a professional level. Which, maybe Atsumu isn’t completely, either. But Hinata has to fight around his height and lack of training, so he has far longer to go.

It’s almost kind of Atsumu to ask if Hinata’s dreams are still the same. If their time at Nationals has ended, but maybe his goals were different now.

To his question, about whether he’s given up, is easy: “No.”

“Good.” Atsumu shoots him a shit-eating grin. “I didn’t expect you to. I want to set to you.”

Hinata smiles in response. “Maybe that day will come sooner than you think.”

“Maybe it will.” Atsumu waves in farewell and then jogs over to his team. Hinata rolls his eyes, before going to join his own team.

Kageyama looks grumpy when he sees him again. He’s barely arrived when Kageyama asks: “are you close with him?”

“What?” Hinata says. He shakes his head. “No way. What gave you that idea?”

“The way he speaks to you.”

“That’s just how he is.” Hinata chuckles. “I barely know him.”

“Hmm.” Kageyama considers this. “I heard he was joining a D1 league. Training camps start after his graduation.”

Hinata hipchecks Kageyama, which makes him grumble in defiance. “Can’t wait for that to be us one day.”

This makes Kageyama’s expression soften a fraction. He hums.

“Yeah. Me too.”

+++

“Time to vote on captains for next year.”

The second years look at each other, each with a piece of paper in their hands. Hinata sits next to Kageyama, with Yachi, Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima across from them.

Managers don’t usually vote in captainship matters, but all four of them had claimed Yachi deserved a vote, thus, one of the first years was the one counting votes.

They tore up a sheet of paper and handed out the pieces, pens in hand.

For Hinata, his votes come easily. He doesn’t have to deliberate, the two individuals in his mind having already fulfilled their duties far past the point of needing to fill the shoes of Ennoshita and Tanaka.

Ishigaki takes the votes and sorts them quickly. The others wait in silence, waiting patiently.

He clears his throat. Hinata waits in anticipation. “Yamaguchi is next year's captain.”

Hinata whoops and a round of pats are passed around as Yamaguchi blushes and thanks them all for their well wishes.

Then Ishigaki continues: “And Kageyama is vice-captain.”

It’s quite hilarious when Kageyama is struck dumb, like he is now. His mouth gapes and he intakes a breath, and Hinata smiles at him widely.

“Are you really surprised, Bakageyama?” Hinata chuckles. He pats him on the head. “You’re great with the first years. And you’re the setter. The control tower! You’re perfect for it.”

Kageyama blinks and blushes, while the other third years laugh. Hinata shakes his head and shares a commiserating glance with Yamaguchi. Tsukishima simply scoffs while Yachi giggles.

“Who did you vote for, if not yourself?” Hinata voices his curiosity aloud. “It’s not like there’s anyone else who is better for it;.”

“I voted for you!” Kageyama sputters.

“Really?” Hinata says. “But you’re the one who knows volleyball best. And even if Yamaguchi is a good captain, you’ll help balance him out.”

Kageyama shakes his head. “Dumbass.”

“Is that really all you have to say to me?” Hinata laughs. “Whatever. Accept your position, Kageyama!”

“I will.” He turns to the other third years, a slight tilt to his lips. “Thank you. Really.”

“Happy to work with you,” Yamaguchi says.

“You’ll do great!” Yachi smiles wide.

“Good luck, King,” of course, comes from Tsukishima.

Hinata laughs. He turns to Kageyama. “We’ll take this team to the top, right?”

“To the top,” Kageyama echoes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Anna and Em, as always. Next chapter should be out in a week or so. Thank you for your support!
> 
> twitter: [@majesticdeku](https://twitter.com/majesticdeku)  
> tumblr: [majesticanna](https://majesticanna.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	3. new tempo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But he’s a third year. Almost a graduate. He doesn’t puke over shocking things anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features art by [Miranda](https://twitter.com/mirandarv17), which you can find [here](https://twitter.com/mirandarv17/status/1346505052572114944) (beware, spoilers for the end of the chapter!).
> 
> So happy to finally be posting this chapter <3 This experience was amazing due to my wonderful artist and helpful support from the whole Kagehina Big Bang server! Love y'all!

Hinata walks to Takeda’s office as he’s hoping to ask for some help with his contemporary Japanese literature work. Learning languages takes a lot of studying, and with having to understand Portuguese and English, it’s helpful to discuss the roots of his native one to apply his studies to others.

When he arrives at the room, he hears Coach and Takeda talking.

“Kageyama is signing with the Schweiden Adlers. Since he’s still a minor, are they waiting for his eighteenth or will his parents sign with him?”

Takeda responds promptly: “Kageyama-kun says he’s scheduled to sign the Saturday after his birthday.”

Hinata’s stomach drops. His hands fall limply to his sides, barely keeping grasp of the papers in them. He feels the sudden urge to upend his whole insides into the nearest toilet.

But he’s a third year. Almost a graduate. He doesn’t puke over shocking things anymore.

He doesn’t bother continuing all the way to Takeda’s room but turns on his heel and rushes away.

+++

Hinata and Yachi stand behind the school building. He’s kicking the pebbles, ripping leaves from the ground, while Yachi simply watches on.

“Kageyama never says anything.”

Yachi frowns down at Hinata. The cool fall air tickles Hinata’s skin as he scrabbles with the leaves in the dirt. He hasn’t done this since he was a child, picking weeds while the kids ran down the field in a semblance of playing ball.

He should’ve known football wasn’t for him, even back then.

Yachi breaks the silence. “Schwieden Adlers… is that it?”

“Yes.” Hinata didn’t feel much like talking about it.

The root of the niggling worm in his stomach is something far different than the team Kageyama chose or the playing ability of the said team. What matters is: “If we’re partners, then couldn’t he have said something before making such a big decision?”

In his own head, Hinata knew that Kageyama was far too good to spend his talents at a university instead of going straight into the professional leagues. But the theoretical and the actual are far different from each other… and Kageyama hadn’t even thought to ask Hinata’s opinion on which team he should accept an offer from.

He only heard the news because of an accidental case of eavesdropping.

“I can’t believe he didn’t say anything to me,” Hinata says, for lack of anything else to voice his feelings. It bothers him, for some reason.

Yachi hums before responding: “Kageyama-kun isn’t the type to talk much. He probably wasn’t trying to hide anything from you… Have you spoken to him about Brazil at all?”

Hinata stops pulling at the leaves, blinking at the ground. He has a pile of shredded bits next to his legs. “Uh. No? Not really.”

Had Hinata mentioned Brazil at all? His memory is failing him.

Would Kageyama even be upset if he found out about it? He remembers Kageyama’s terrible haircut and brooding from a few weeks ago, but brushes it aside. They were partners. They had an understanding of one another that spoke through the toss of fingertips against a volleyball.

No. Of course, Hinata needs to become better, faster, and the best way to do that is to go across the globe and work in a harsher terrain. Start over once again. Kageyama would understand. They didn’t need to talk about it.

Yachi breaks through his thoughts. “Isn’t it the same thing?”

“No, it’s different— it’s the same thing?” Hinata wonders aloud. He’s not quite sure at this point.

Hinata swipes his hands over his pants, and stands up. “Is lunch almost over, Yachi-san?”

She looks at her watch. “Um, yes, the bell is going to ring in a few minutes.”

“Hm,” Hinata says. “Can we practice some verbal English then?”

Kageyama could wait.

+++

Practice that day, Hinata is a little stiff. He misses tosses he can hit in his sleep, he botches receives like he’s in first year again, and he almost serves into the back of a second year’s head.

“Dumbass!” Kageyama yells. He smacks Hinata’s head, but not as hard as he used to years ago. “Either focus or get off the court!”

Hinata heaves a heavy sigh. He can’t help it, his mind is distracted. He tries to refocus and does a decent job, though not as good as he normally does.

At the end of the day, Kageyama and Hinata are left alone in the club room. They change their clothes without talking and pack away their gear to head home.

When Hinata finishes dressing, he turns around to glance at Kageyama. His friend is staring at his phone in focused concentration, silent as he furrows his eyebrows.

Hinata’s eyes flit up to Kageyama’s hairline. His haircut really is stupid. One day, midway through their third year, Kageyama came in with a shorter fringe and didn’t say a word of explanation to anyone. The underclassman had been too intimidated to ask and the other third years didn’t think to comment—other than Hinata, of course. He had been curious. Kageyama had never given him an answer, though, simply grumbling and sidestepping the topic.

Hinata scrunches his nose. It looks like Kageyama took kiddie scissors to his bangs and called it a day.

Still, he’s unbearably handsome. His cheekbones are highlighted by the shorter haircut, pulling back a protective layer and forcing everyone to look at his elegant bone structure. At least Hinata can see his clear blue eyes better now.

He’s not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.

“Kageyama!”

Kageyama looks up from his phone, over at Hinata. Sometimes Hinata thinks he has a radar reserved especially for his voice. “What?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about the V-league?” Hinata has never been one to beat around the bush.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Brazil?” Kageyama immediately counters. The furrow in his eyebrows increases in prominence.

Hinata blinks. So he does know. “I didn’t think you would care,” Hinata says, honestly. “You never asked me about my plans before.”

Kageyama chews his lip. It’s a bad habit he has when he’s debating over whether to say something or not. His lips are a bit chapped, Hinata notices. They still look very soft. “We’re partners, right?”

“Yes.”

Kageyama releases his lip from its death grip. “You say that and then you plan to leave the country without even telling me.” He looks at Hinata, dead in the eye. His blue irises are glassier than normal. “Why do you expect me to tell you when you didn’t do the same thing for me?”

“But—”

“Hinata. You’ve been planning since second year,” Kageyama says. He finally breaks their intense stare off. “And the only reason I found out is because I heard from Yamaguchi.”

The burn of frustration and anger makes itself known in Hinata’s heart. “This is for you! For me!” He grips at the hem of his white t-shirt. “So I can keep my promise.”

“I’m not mad that you’re going.” Kageyama’s voice aches with exhaustion, like he’s explaining a simple defensive tactic for the fiftieth time. “I just wish you would’ve talked about it with me.”

“We’re partners, we don’t talk about everything, we don’t have to—”

“Partners are supposed to communicate,” Kageyama says. “And you won’t even tell me about a big decision like moving across the globe.” Kageyama grabs his bag, refusing to meet Hinata’s eyes again. “What does our partnership mean to you if you won’t even talk to me?”

Kageyama opens the door of the volleyball room, leaving Hinata behind. He doesn’t follow as the door slams shut.

There were a few flaws in Hinata’s logic, yes. But that doesn’t change the fact that they both made errors here.

Kageyama only wanted them to talk. And isn't that what Hinata wanted from Kageyama? For them to be honest without the strings of their other lives tying them apart.

It’s not that Hinata wanted to avoid talking about his future with Kageyama. It’s that he saw little point in doing so. Kageyama was going to go off and be amazing in whatever career step he took. It was Hinata who had to make sacrifices when it came to where he could go next.

College was not an option, with Hinata’s low test scores and the realization that he would have less time to practice volleyball. He did get a few offers from division three and two leagues, but nothing that overwhelmed the potential of his time in Brazil. It seems obvious from his perspective that Hinata needed to go somewhere else to practice full time. He’s certain he’s mentioned beach to Kageyama before.

And Hinata needs his space. He’s been with Kageyama almost every day since they were first years; practicing drills, setting during lunch, spending time bickering in their free time. Although he enjoys every moment he spends with his rival, he needs to be someone different from him. He needs to be his own person, his own player.

The real question is how didn’t Kageyama know? And the fact that he didn’t even tell Hinata about the Adlers...

Hinata isn’t sure what makes it different. Hinata wants to know every little detail about Kageyama’s life, so he can note their nuances. He wants to know what makes him smile, what irritates him, and what he desires.

Kageyama probably didn’t have the same interest in him. His mind glazed over if a conversation didn’t involve volleyball or food, so why does he care so much about Hinata’s future plans?

It’s ridiculous for him to be upset over this. Kageyama will get over it.

+++

Contrary to Hinata’s prediction, Kageyama doesn’t get over it. He’s imperceptibly colder to Hinata, so that no one notices but him. His tosses are perfect, but they’re robotic, nothing like the threat of trust he’s used to receiving. His directions are curt, and he avoids conversations with Hinata if he can help it.

It’s almost as if their warm partnership has turned into one of business. That they are nothing outside the court.

The realization makes Hinata’s heart hurt.

He ends up spending most of his time with Yachi and Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima, when the latter decides to tolerate him. He’s with Yachi now, sitting on a stone bench by the front gates. They have a practice match later that day so Coach gave them the morning off. Yachi wanted to get some studying done so Hinata met with her to keep her company.

As Yachi writes notes in her careful script, however, he can’t help the agitation and restlessness itching for attention. He shuffles his feet and sighs, tilting his head to the side. Then he sighs again and tilts it to the other side.

“Yes?” Yachi says. She doesn’t spare him a glance, simply continues writing in her book.

“I don’t want to bother you. You’re studying,” Hinata says. He can’t help a note of disappointment coloring his voice when he speaks.

“You’ve been sighing since we got here, Hinata, it’s making it harder to concentrate,” Yachi’s blunt words are a punch to the chest, but she smooths it over when she turns to him with a small smile. “What’s upset you?”

“Kageyama,” Hinata blurts out. He’s been keeping the past few days under wraps and he's desperate to talk about it with someone.

He’s lost with what to do so maybe Yachi has a better idea of where to go next.

“What’s wrong with Kageyama?” Yachi asks.

The words tie around his teeth, refusing to be pushed out. Putting his thoughts into words is difficult, especially with how sour the feelings associated with the moment digs into his ribcage.

He breathes, to loosen the barbs around his chest. Tries again.

“Kageyama,” Hinata says. And he forces out the next part. “He’s mad at me and I don’t know how to fix it.”

Yachi nods, motioning her hand to continue. So Hinata tells her the whole event as he remembers it, from his attempts to broach the subject of V-league to the ending where Kageyama mentioned their partnership. He struggles with his words, the emotions wanting to suffocate him, yet he continues to voice them.

“I don’t understand him,” Hinata’s frustration ebbs into his words. “It’s like we have this connection on the court where we can finish each other’s thoughts and plays without thinking, but when it comes to the world outside it, he keeps giving me mixed signals.” Hinata huffs a breath. “Why does he care about Brazil so much?”

Yachi blinks at Hinata’s last sentence, and pinches her brow with two fingertips. She sighs, and turns her wide eyes on him. “You’re upset with Kageyama for not telling you about the V-league, right?”

“Yes! No! Not as much now. I miss how easy things used to be.” Hinata turns his face to avoid her eyes. “I miss him.”

The gentle wind picks up, brushing orange fringe against Hinata’s eyes. His hair was getting longer and longer these days.

Yachi breaks the quiet: “Partnerships take effort, Hinata. Kageyama brought up an issue that he wants to work through.” Hinata gathers the courage to meet her gaze. There’s a bittersweet glint in it, for a reason Hinata can’t describe. “Fights are never easy. Don’t you remember how many misunderstandings you had in first year?”

Ah, yes. Hinata grimaces. The punch from Tanaka had stung, and Hinata remembers well the pain in his cheek and the pressure behind his eyes from the overwhelming anger that had sparked the fight in the first place. He had never thought he was scary but the fear in Yachi’s expression is one he never wishes to see again.

Hinata and Kageyama had never talked about the incident after it was resolved. They had found the meaning behind the actions through their new quick set. Words had seemed pointless when they made amends by never stopping their reach for greater heights.

Back to his current fight with Kageyama, Hinata voices his thoughts aloud: “You think Kageyama and I are having a misunderstanding?”

“I think you should try to talk to him more,” Yachi says, exasperation edging into her words. “Maybe Kageyama wants more out of your friendship than you realize.”

“More?” Hinata takes the words in. “Like what?”

“Like how your relationship will change when you go overseas.” Yachi taps her foot against the ground. “What if, when you go, you’re leaving him behind?”

“That’s ridiculous!” Hinata shouts. A few incoming students glance his way so he lowers his volume. “That’s ridiculous. Everything I want from Brazil is to become a player that’s able to defeat him.”

“Hinata.” Yachi’s gaze sharpens, and Hinata shivers. He feels like he messed up. “Is that really all he is to you? A rival? One that you can forget as soon as you defeat?”

Hinata’s heart clenches and he shoves it down. Not now. “No! Of course not!” He shakes his head. “I could never forget him.”

“He doesn’t know that.”

“He should! We’re friends, he should know—”

“Have you been treating him like one?” Yachi asks. Hinata’s breath catches. “Here you are, telling me what you feel when you can’t do the same for Kageyama?”

“What if that’s not what he wants!” Hinata’s voice cracks around the edges. “What if I’m just his teammate and nothing else?”

The silence echoes around them, cutting sharp after the words they exchanged. Hinata breathes heavily, in and out, trying to calm the rapid heartbeat racing through his body. The wind is cool against his heated skin.

“Kageyama wouldn’t be asking for more if he didn’t want it,” Yachi says. She arranges her books into a pile, places them in her bag. “He’s the one who wants to talk to you. So talk to him.”

“What if—”

Yachi stands up. Like this, Hinata shrinks under her gaze. “It won’t be fixed overnight. I think there’s a lot I don’t know and even you don’t know. But Hinata, if you want things to improve, you have to take the first step.”

With that, Yachi walks away.

The first step. Hinata’s hands grow clammy.

It’s scary to leap when you don’t know what you’re jumping into, Hinata thinks. With volleyball, he knows if he messes up there will be another play, another practice, another game where he can do better. Be better. But the fragility of the tiny, unnameable wants he feels towards Kageyama, he doesn’t know what to do with them.

How does he even say the words he needs if he doesn’t even know what they are?

Hinata shakes his head, to dislodge the growing sadness edging around him. This wasn’t the time for it. He needed to figure out how to make this up to Kageyama.

If they were friends, was Hinata truly treating him like one?

Hinata has always known his relationship with Kageyama is special. The way they interact, even from their first fights, has been a dance between two challengers who acknowledge the other. The give and take of their breaths always led them to react in a synchronous harmony that fits in the spaces between.

But maybe Hinata has been taking advantage of this. Maybe his assumption of how easy it is makes him overlook the difficult parts, the missteps or places out of tune.

When things get hard, Hinata brushes the failures aside and keeps moving forward. He’s never seen anything wrong with that before.

The separation from home, the excitement of new adventures, the aftertaste of lingering failure… Hinata’s emotions when it comes to Brazil are complicated. Even he doesn’t know how to pinpoint them all.

When he challenged Kageyama all those years ago, he was so certain of himself. And though he’s looking forward to his time in Brazil, he won’t know if the risk was worth it until he gets home. While Kageyama, he is on a straight shot to his next step.

The gap between them has never felt so wide even when it’s smaller than it’s ever been.

Hinata doesn’t know how to express this dissonance, this distance he can’t cross between them.

It didn’t matter at the moment. Hinata has lots of time to think on this uncrossable distance from Kageyama.

The immediacy, though, lies in the fact of Hinata keeping a big part of his life from Kageyama. He’s mentioned Brazil to all his closest friends but not Kageyama. While he doesn’t regret the mistake, as he was unaware of Kageyama’s desire to know, he realizes that he screwed up by not treating him the same.

What can he do to fix this?

As an answer doesn’t spring immediately to his mind, he sighs to himself, and packs up his own bag. School would start soon and maybe in his daydreams, he could find the solution.

Until then, he ties up the package and shelves it for later.

+++

Hinata makes his way to early morning practice, walking to the gym after placing his bike in the rack. His brain is stuffy, cloudy with sleep he normally takes to easily. Last night, he had stayed up longer than usual, with his thoughts swimming around Kageyama.

Fear. Worry. Guilt. All lovely emotions to experience when going to bed.

He’s stuck on what to say to Kageyama when, with a whoosh of wind, a blur of black sprints past him.

Hinata stops. Stares. He smiles to himself. Then breaks out into a full-speed run.

His feet pound against pavement and he wonders how long it’s been since he’s ran at such a fast pace. The thought flits away as he springs a further push of power into his toes to go even faster.

Kageyama. He had to beat Kageyama.

As they near the gym, Hinata pushes harder and harder. His lungs cry out for relief but he makes them work for him, ignoring their pain.

He reaches his hand forward, so so close.

“I win.”

Hinata collapses to the ground, and whines pathetically. He missed Kageyama by a breath, but of course the bastard had to rub it in before heaving over his own legs.

Hinata rolls over on his back, and stares up at the clouds. It’s a clear day, rare for late fall and early winter.

When he recovers, he stands up, and taps his hands against his side. He inhales deeply. He doesn’t know how to start but—

“I’m sorry.”

The air wooshes out of Hinata. He blinks at Kageyama who is looking at him with a pout to his lips.

“Don’t say that, Kageyama.” Hinata offers him a weak smile. “I messed up. Not you.”

“But I—”

“Yeah, and I probably deserved it, whatever you were going to say.” Hinata chuckles wryly, kicking the ground with his foot. “Yachi helped straighten me out.”

Kageyama hums in understanding and Hinata laughs. Yachi has helped them figure out their issues far too many times to count.

Hinata should make a gift basket for her.

“Kageyama?” Hinata tries. The words are hard, but he needs to say them. “Do you… want to be friends?”

Kageyama’s face drops. “We are friends.” He pauses. “Right?”

Guilt overwhelms Hinata, and the truth comes out in a rush: “I haven’t been treating you as one.”

Kageyama tilts his head to the side, his pout deepening. Like this, he looks like a confused puppy. He nods his head. “No, you haven’t.”

Hinata cringes, thoroughly ashamed. “No, I haven’t.” He bites his lip. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay,” is all Kageyama says.

Hinata laughs, past the heavy tension in the air. He passes his body weight from foot to foot.

“Kageyama?”

“Yeah?”

Hinata smiles shakily. “Do you want to hear about my training plan leading up to Brazil?”

The clouds in Kageyama’s eyes, ones that Hinata hadn’t noticed before, shift away. A tiny edge of his mouth ticks upward.

Hinata’s heart pounds. Kageyama’s smiles were always a gift.

He rushes into a ramble about his language studies and first attempts on sand at a beach facility. Kageyama listens dutifully, and the stranglehold around Hinata’s heart releases bit by bit.

They’re not the best at this, but their awkward shuffling towards the future would work out one way or the other. Hinata would make sure of it.

+++

Things with Kageyama are better, Hinata is inclined to say. They still have to dance around the awkwardness of their fight, but they’re slowly making amends. Tentatively, they try to test their newfound friendship.

Hinata invites Kageyama over to his house more often, now that they’re friends. They used to play volleyball in the small makeshift court in his backyard but this is different. It’s like they’re normal high school students.

Kageyama is sprawled on Hinata’s bed, paging through his English studies. Though Kageyama is the closest to moving onto the national stage, he still struggles with learning more languages.

Then again, he’s never been a star of academic prowess.

Kageyama groans, and smacks his head down on the book. “I hate this.”

Hinata pauses. He wants to tease Kageyama—he really does make it too easy—and yet he hesitates.

He takes the jump. Feet first.

“Yamayama-kun, you can’t get through your volleyball career without knowing English!” Hinata says. It falls a little flat, but Kageyama turns his head to look up from his book. His mouth is twisted wryly and Hinata gives him a tiny smile.

“I don’t care. I’ll just never take interviews. They can’t force me to speak,” he says, face smushed by the book.

Hinata’s smile widens exponentially. He trapises from his chair to the bed, and swipes the book from beneath Kageyama’s head. Kageyama frowns, adorably, in Hinata’s professional opinion.

“Here, I’ll help you.” English is hard to learn, but it’s fun to practice with other people, and he finds he improves that way.

“Let’s try this conversation from the textbook.”

Hinata enjoys their time together. Just like their first year, he fits in the slots where Hinata has gaps.

It’s nice. To truly be friends again.

+++

Hinata grows his hair out.

It isn’t a conscious decision. Volleyball practice and exams take all of his time, and eventually, strands of hair tickle his eyes while he swoops in for a receive.

Something changes with his long hair, though. After the third confession Hinata gets from a girl, the second in a week, he realizes something:

People think he’s attractive.

“Was she flirting with me?” Hinata says, bewildered, after a girl asked for his chemistry notes. He doesn’t take chemistry, and he had told her as much. It wasn’t until after she had left with a frown that he realized she was trying to land a line.

“Wow, the dumbass can learn new tricks,” Tsukishima says. Yamaguchi and Yachi laugh as Hinata sits back down at their lunch table. Kageyama says nothing except for a muttered ‘idiot’ under his breath.

“Hey!” Hinata pouts. He pulls out his nutritious bento—prepared with help from his mom—and shoves a portion of rice into his mouth. He chews and swallows. “No one has flirted with me before this year, how should I know what it’s like?”

“Really?” Yachi says. Her tone is off from her words. “No one? At all?”

“Yeah.” Hinata chuckles. “Or if they have, I haven’t noticed.”

His friends exchange looks and Tsukishima says: “You just haven’t noticed.”

“Wha—”

“That’s definitely it,” Yamaguchi says. “I’m pretty sure that setter from Inarizaki thinks you’re cute.”

“Wha—?” Hinata says again. His neck flushes with heat. “He never said that!”

“It’s just the way he looks at you,” Yamaguchi responds. “Didn’t he speak to you both years we went to Spring Nationals?”

“I’d rather not talk about this.” Kageyama grumbles, mouth turned sour. “I don’t like him.”

“Yeah, the King wouldn’t wanna talk about this,” Tsukishima says, his voice glimmering with humor. “I don’t either, but for far different reasons.”

“Shut up.” Kageyama says.

“Kageyama—?” Hinata tries.

“Nope, I’m done for the day.” Kageyama packs up his remaining food. He stands up. “Goodbye.”

“Stop being dramatic. Sit down, we’ll change topics.” Tsukishima rolls his eyes, and Kageyama grumbles while he places his food back down. “I think Hinata might have an aneurysm if we say more, anyway.”

It’s true. Hinata’s been blushing more and more, far unused to this kind of attention. His face probably matches his hair right now, shining a vibrant red.

“I just… didn’t think people thought of me that way,” Hinata confesses. He blinks. “Nevermind, it doesn’t matter.”

“Hinata—?”

“Yachi-san! How did your portfolio assembly go last night?” Hinata ignores the stares of his friends and soon they resume their banter and casual teasing back and forth. Hinata laughs along with them, ignoring the searching glances shot by Kageyama.

He knows he has decent looks, Hinata has seen himself in the mirror enough and watched the developing muscle as he grew throughout the years. It’s just, a genuine interest in him makes Hinata’s stomach squirm.

He reasons himself out of it, that it’s probably the hype of people knowing he’s on a team that went to nationals. Plus, his filling out of his uniform probably helps. He’s a little taller, and a lot stronger, so this must be what attracts their attention.

Besides, someone like Kageyama is far prettier than Hinata will ever be.

He blushes at the thought, and laughs a little too loud at Yachi’s joke, yet ultimately he brushes it aside. His friendship with Kageyama is still developing and Hinata doesn’t want to make things awkward by admitting his slight attraction to Kageyama.

It was just a passing thought. Kageyama is pretty, it’s a fact. It’s not like Hinata has a crush on him.

He filters out his brain and focuses on the conversation. Tsukishima snickers and Yamaguchi smiles, and Hinata enjoys the simple moment of spending time with his friends.

+++

They make it to the semifinals. To the orange court.

It all feels surreal. Spacey. Like he is both existing and not at the same time.

He refocuses and channels his energy. This team… they could do it.

Kageyama smacks his back and nods.

One last chance.

The whistle blows and he raises into flight.

+++

It’s in the quiet of the night, after his teammates sleep, that Hinata reflects on a conversation with his sister.

“Nii-chan!” Natsu was getting bigger, and seemed to take a larger interest in volleyball each passing day. The two of them set the ball back and forth, their breath foggy in the chilly air.

Natsu’s eyes sparkled, as she asked: “What kind of player do you want to be?”

Hinata smiled, his answer already at the forefront: “The one that does the most. I want to do everything.”

“So.” Natsu tilted her head to the side. “A setter?”

“No, no.” Hinata ruffled her hair. “An opposite hitter.”

The one opposite the setter. The one who was the pinnacle and reflected the playstyle of the team.

Indispensable. Necessary to win.

As Hinata nestles his head into the pillow, the biting bile of their loss finally sinks in. He would never again stand on the court as a player for Karasuno High School.

His last chance to take a national title, and they failed.

He inhales deeply, and in the dark of the night, he lets himself feel.

If his eyes are puffy the next morning, at least they matched the rest of his team.

+++

Final exams were around the corner.

Soon they’d be packing up and calling an end to their high school careers. Kageyama would be going to the V-League. Hinata would have a year off before going to Brazil. His other friends were taking the college route, having been on the track since they were little firsties.

Unfortunately, Hinata still had to pass his classes to graduate. This meant an increase in homework sessions, many of which Hinata suffered through with Kageyama.

Hinata did have a good grasp of languages now from his studies, but that did not extend to all his math equations or science formulas. Nevertheless, he just needed enough to pass school, not receive the stellar grades his friends worked for.

Kageyama was in a similar boat. So they both continued studying together. To be honest, Kageyama wasn’t a bad partner for it.

This evening, they spent a late night trying to work through math problems. They worked in relative silence, except for the occasional groan or soft question about ones they needed help with.

Hinata stares at one equation for a few minutes. His eyes grow blurry and he finally remembers to blink.

“You okay?”

Hinata turns toward Kageyama. He yawns, and pushes his textbooks and notebook away. “Yeah, I’m just going to close my eyes for a minute or two. Can you wake me up if I fall asleep?”

Kageyama nods without looking up.

Hinata folds his arms together and places his head on them.

He comes back to a fuzzy awareness with a warm pressure against his cheek. He’s quite warm and content, so he snuggles deeper into the pillow and sighs happily.

“Hinata?” A voice above him says, cracking on the last syllable.

Hinata blinks and startles into awareness, just as Kageyama places Hinata on the futon.

“What…?” Hinata slowly remembers where he is. At Kageyama’s house, where he must have fallen asleep.

Kageyama, who carried him to bed. Hinata’s stomach shifts, and he’s thankful for the lack of light for hiding the heat in his skin.

The night is quiet, with moonlight shifting over their bodies. Kageyama resettles in his own bed, and Hinata does the same.

It may be the tranquility of the moment or the deep comfort that surrounds him which allow Hinata to relax into the contented peace filling his heart. Like anything could happen and he’d be able to handle it.

With Kageyama, he feels safe.

In the darkness, Kageyama whispers: “Why didn’t you join a lower league?”

Hinata’s eyes widen, sitting up from where he lies down. Kageyama and him, in all of their fighting, have never discussed this one aspect.

For some reason, Kageyama makes him feel he can talk about it.

The words, though, choke against the tightness in his throat. He can’t grasp them or get them to slide off his tongue. He settles for: “It’s not important.”

“What’s not important?”

Hinata sighs. Of course Kageyama wouldn’t be happy with this answer. They never settle for less than one hundred percent from each other.

Hinata looks at Kageyama’s silhouette. He can’t see his friend’s face, and he’s not sure whether he wants to see him or not. If the expression he sees there will drive him forward or hold him back.

He’s standing on the edge of something deeper than before.

“Kageyama… I…” He inhales. “It’s not important because it’s not where you are.”

Hinata feels rather than sees Kageyama freeze. “Me?”

  


Hinata swallows. “You know my goal isn’t to be the Little Giant anymore… it’s been to match you. And I can’t stay here and wait to see if maybe I’ll work my way up. I need to go, to reach the heights I’ve always dreamed of seeing.”

_I can’t do that in Japan where I can’t stand outside of your shadow._

He keeps the lingering thought to himself, where no one else can see it.

It’s true, though. Kageyama has been his goal for a while now. He’s not sure when this changed, but maybe it’s been since he first faced Kageyama in a match that lasted a measly thirty-one minutes.

At some point, his life centered itself around Kageyama, to become enough to face him.

“But you’ll come back right?” Kageyama says. His voice is tense. “You will, right?”

“Of course, stupid.” Hinata smiles, softly. He had made a promise, and he intended to keep it. “Everything will be the same. We can talk and keep in touch, and before you even miss me, I’ll be back.”

“Don’t say that. I’ll mi—y’know. I’ll wanna set to you.”

A tendril of warmth wraps around Hinata’s heart. “And I’ll want to spike it.”

They don’t say much more, but when they wake up in the morning, Hinata is more rested than he’s been in a long time.

+++

Kageyama’s serve is fast, but Hinata is faster.

The ball bounces off Hinata’s arms, in a perfect position for the imaginary setter.

Hinata flashes him a bright smile.

“See you later, Kageyama.”

“Yeah… see you later.”

+++

Studying. Planning. Training.

Hinata works hard in his year off, in this constant cycle.

He is happy. He is free.

+++

“Yachi, have you ever been in love?”

Yachi swivels her head over to Hinata’s direction, her cheeks dusting with a lovely red. The coffee shop they’re sitting in is tucked into the streets of the city, a tiny one you stumble upon when not looking for it. But it’s become a favorite of Hinata’s when he visits her at her university.

Taking her cup and placing it to her lips, Yachi hides in the foam of her latte. “Why do you ask?”

Hinata watches his friend, and shakes his head internally.

Yachi is beautiful. She’s quiet about it, in the way of not attracting attention. He’s certain she’s had experiences with love, at least once by now. But it might embarrass her, so maybe he should start by inviting his own reflections.

“I got asked out in high school from time to time, mostly in third year,” Hinata says. He swirls his coffee as he thinks about it. “I never really considered their confessions because I was focused on volleyball, on my future.”

“Then.” Yachi hesitates. “What made you ask me now?”

Hinata hums to himself. “I don’t know. I thought about how nice it would be to be in love.” He shrugs, smirking half-heartedly. “I want to know if I’ll ever love someone who sees me, who knows who I am and loves all of me.”

Yachi’s eyebrows scrunch, a small pout to her lips. “You don’t think anyone loves you?”

“Maybe not romantically,” Hinata says. He darts his eyes to the side to hide his growing chagrin. “I thought I might have an attraction to Kageyama at one point… but that was probably just a fleeting thing.” He smiles, shoving aside the bubbling feelings in his stomach. “We’re good as friends.”

“It’s normal to think your friends are attractive,” Yachi says. She mulls over her words, then finally says: “It’s different to be in love with them.”

Hinata nods his head. “Yeah, exactly. What I felt for Kageyama was just because we were really close. And he’s pretty.”

It was nothing more than that. Would never be more than that.

“Kageyama is a person who deserves the world,” Hinata says. “I hope that whoever he falls in love with knows how lucky they are to have him.”

Yachi looks tired as she shakes her head. She traces the rim of her mug absentmindedly. “Are you dating anyone now?”

“No, not other than the occasional date.” Hinata stretches his arms high above him. He’s trying to get a knot of tension out of them. “I’m going to Brazil. I don’t want to start anything over here when I’ll be leaving in a few months.”

“I see.”

They look out on the clear afternoon, the city active with a warm day. After settling into a quiet for a little bit, Yachi says: “What will you do, if you discover you’re in love?”

Hinata tilts his head to the side, considering. He thinks he knows his answer.

“I’ll chase it.”

+++

Kageyama has an Olympic training camp next week.

Hinata goes to Brazil in one week.

This is the last day they would be seeing each other until Hinata left and traveled across the globe.

The park is empty except for the two, tossing a volleyball back and forth. They’ve done this hundreds, perhaps a thousand times, standing in silence while they pass the volleyball between them.

Kageyama snatches the ball out of the air, almost an hour into their silent practice. Hinata simply blinks at the empty air between his fingertips, prepped to send the ball back.

Hinata drops his hands to his side, and meets Kageyama’s gaze. It’s one of his intense ones, right before Kageyama does something incredible.

“Do your best, Hinata.”

The words sweep all the air out of Hinata’s lungs. He can scarcely breathe, until he takes in another gulp of air.

“I’m keeping my promise,” Hinata says.

“I’ll be waiting.”

Something breaks a little in Hinata’s heart. He should already be there, but here he is, going halfway across the world from everything he knows to get there.

He can’t think of it now. Later. He would deal with it… later.

There’s no need to say more than that. They continue to toss the ball back and forth.

It’s the last Hinata sees of Kageyama for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a shot every time Hinata ignores his feelings and you may end up in a ditch somewhere.
> 
> Thank you again to [Miranda](https://twitter.com/mirandarv17) for the gorgeous artwork, which you can find [here](https://twitter.com/mirandarv17/status/1346505052572114944) and [here](https://twitter.com/mirandarv17/status/1346506004008108032). Shoutout to Julz for being my support in sharing this third chapter, it encouraged me to finally release this chap.
> 
> Lastly, thank you to everyone who reads, comments, subs, and kudos. I'm so happy you're enjoying this story. <3
> 
> twitter: [@majesticdeku](https://twitter.com/majesticdeku)  
> tumblr: [majesticanna](https://majesticanna.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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